Today's entry will sort of be a diary entry, written to just sort of let some things out, and you will get to look on.
Since I started on my journey with Christ nearly 14 years ago, God has done much work in my heart and life, but none has been as intense as the last couple years. Its kind of like an onion. God has been slowly peeling back the outer layers. Now He is getting down close to the very core. This process over the last couple of years has been very emotional. I have not only been dealing with various spiritual issues and questions, but also with the grief of infertility. I feel like I have changed. I was once called "happy-go-lucky". This is not the case anymore. I have become very emotional, melancholy, and introspective. I have withdrawn from people that I used to need very much. But, I have to have faith that (even though at times it may be difficult and painful) if I continue to walk with God and allow Him to work in my life, I will emerge from this "cacoon" a beautiful butterfly that will glorify God in an amazing way. Lord, I may not always understand, or even like this process of growth and change, but I entrust my fragile heart to you.
My personal favorite prayer at times like this is, "Dear God, Please help me to embrace the lessons you are trying to teach me."
ReplyDeleteKeep stepping, my beloved catapillar. Sometimes life just hurts. It is ALWAYS worth it.